If you know a bachelor, advise him to polish up his wooing skills
because his health and longevity depends on marriage! PHOTO | FILE
“Why are you fond of lemon tea?” asked Hassan, my colleague, as he scrunched up his face, staring into his tea mug.
“I love the taste. And scent, plus lemons have all sorts of health benefits,” I answered, sipping my hot black lemon tea.
“I don’t get it. This one tastes horrible, in fact, it looks spoilt,” he said, still looking distastefully into his tea mug.
“How
did you mix yours?” I asked. He walked over with his mug and let me
peep inside. I was horrified by the mix of yucky-looking brown curdle.
“What on earth is that?” I asked, confused.
“It’s lemon tea…” he said, then abruptly stopped, staring into my tea mug. It is then that realisation hit him.
“I
think it’s the milk that messed it up,” he finally concluded. By then, I
was laughing so hard, it hurt. He had poured himself the mixed tea from
the flask, then added two slices of lemons in it.
“Goodness! The things bachelors in this city feed on…” Esther, another colleague, commented while shaking her head in amusement.
It
reminds me of the first time I visited my husband’s bachelor pad. I was
pretty impressed by the clean house and the decent food he had
prepared, only to learn much later that he had called in a cleaning lady
that day, who had spent the entire morning scrubbing and arranging
before hastily preparing the food.
Going
through an old photo album at a cousin’s house the other day, we came
across this emaciated-looking young man, whose eyes looked familiar.
HAPLESS BROTHERS
“Can you guess who that is?” Fridah, my cousin asked me, laughing.
I stared at those eyes before saying;
“It looks like your son, but this seems to have been taken in the 70’s.”
“They look alike, don’t they? That’s my hubby when he was about our son’s age…”
It
was like looking at Bruce Jenner; all sweaty in shorts, broad chest,
rippling muscles, turning away for a minute, then finding dainty,
bosomy, pretty Caitlyn Jenner. Laugh all you want, but I read somewhere
that bachelors have the shortest life spans compared to all other human
beings.
It makes sense. They eat
whatever, whenever they can find it. I suspect many house fires and near
disasters are caused by a hungry bachelor attempting to cook. Did you
hear about the brother who tried to ‘boil’ eggs in a microwave? Or the
one that almost roasted himself and got the apartment on fire when he
attempted to ‘bake’ potatoes covered in foil in a microwave? Not to
forget his cousin in the village whose efforts paid off when he boiled
rice to perfection, only to scorch his face when he lifted the lid from
the sufuria but forgot to avert his face from the escaping steam.
The
one time I saw my husband panic was over the school holidays when the
kids went to their grandparents. I had to travel out of town for a week,
and of course, our house assistant was off duty.
“There is no cooked food in the fridge!” he called me, sounding distraught on the first evening, ‘man solo’.
Apparently,
even science agrees with the biblical principle that it is not good for
man to be alone. A married man will only seek medical help at his
wife’s insistence, and only to get her off his back, however, a bachelor
will only be prompted to go running to a doctor when a limb needs
amputation.
Girls, of course, are
raised to be self-sufficient. They are taught how to gather and prepare a
tasty meal from scratch, and to clean and wash. Women’s lives, single
or married, are highly organised, unlike men’s.
If you know a bachelor, advise him to polish up his wooing skills because his health and longevity depends on marriage!
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