The only thing that should matter when a woman dating again is the
reason. Is it to hurt your ex? Wrong reason. Are you doing it to
validate yourself? Wrong reason. Are you doing it to help pay rent?
Again, wrong reason. FILE PHOTO |
NATION MEDIA GROUP
This article is slightly less than 700 words. By the time I am
done, 700 people will have broken up with their partners. And I am only
thinking local, very local, like in the Limuru area. My point,
break-ups, ugly as they might be, are up there with showers in the
common department.
Some people decide to break up because they hate habit, and a regular partner is as much a bad habit as a cigarette.
That
lot is beyond redemption and is better off talking to a shrink rather
than reading this column. Some people will hang on to a relationship
even when it kicks, slaps, spits and throws up in their face. This lot
needs some serious lessons on self-esteem.
I shall ignore them as well and stick with the “normal” lot.
This normal lot gets into a relationship with every intention under the sun of sticking to it.
They
will give it their all, even forgive some misdemeanors because this lot
is human and realises that perfect human beings exist only in Mills
& Boon novels. Still, they have a breaking point. They will know
when to walk away, with or without dignity.
The
men usually have an easier time moving on. Hardly anybody bats an
eyelid if he finds another woman a day after breaking up with the woman
he has been married to for a decade.
He will be excused because he is a man and you know, men can pick up the pieces at the speed of light.
For
a woman in this category to have an easy time moving on, she will have
to move town and job, get new friends, and that is the small stuff. If
she has a thick skin and changes nothing after a break-up, and if she
dares date anytime before than 10 years after her break-up, she will be
labelled cheap, just because she is a woman.
A
woman who dares to move on soon after a failed relationship is made to
feel dirty. Society (and the man she just broke up with) expects her to
remain single and miserable as she pays for either her sins, or those of
her former partner. As she passes by people will whisper nasty things
like “Hala, this woman is easy” while about the man they will say “It’s
good for so-and-so that he has made a move to find happiness so soon
after breaking up.”
Society wants women to think that “moving on” is dirty. But women need to stop listening to society and their ex.
Women
have as much right to move on as the man they broke up with. Women are
supposed to pretend to be virgins when they get married, they are
expected never to think of another man sexually during marriage, and if
they manage those two and the marriage still breaks down, they are
supposed to remain celibate, or better still, join a convent just so
that their ex can fuel his ego and brag to his friends at the pub
about just how great he is, such that even his ex could not find anyone
better than him.
He will forget that
he was the village he-goat, he will forget that the reason his
relationship broke down was that he could not get over his self-esteem
issues and, therefore, had to keep being the he-goat so he could feel
great. But he is a man, so he will get away with it.
The
only thing that should matter when a woman dating again is the reason.
Is it to hurt your ex? Wrong reason. Are you doing it to validate
yourself? Wrong reason. Are you doing it to help pay rent? Again, wrong
reason. Are you doing it in a bid to find happiness agaom? Please,
mingle.
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