Value yourself to avoid unnecessary struggles. FILE PHOTO | NMG
Summary
- Requisite effort, and smart work consistently done is productive in, and of its own. It does not require struggle to validate it.
- Struggle is a place that we have been conditioned to check into every so often so we can feel adequately deserving of some reward.
- The truth is that when we truly value ourselves, we naturally guard ourselves from struggle.
It unfortunately took me longer than was helpful for me to
realise that life is not meant to be a struggle. This realisation didn't
come easy because; “Life is hard”. We are told this a million times
from a very tender age. By the time we are all grown up, we have
perfectly internalised the notion that to be doing anything of value, we
have to experience some struggle.
Just how much value
can we add to colleagues, employers and clients while struggling? Come
on, we are all inherently self-centred. Anyone struggling will
inevitably look to relieve their struggles before showing any concern
for others.
Most
gadgets come with manuals that tell us how to operate them for best
user-experience and optimum return on our investment. If metallic and
plastic things can have preservation guidelines attached to them, surely
we as humans are valuable enough to ensure that those around us enjoy
the best of us by "operating" us optimally.
If however
others do not know which knobs on us to turn in particular directions,
at specified times, they are likely to fiddle around us breaking more
than a few of our valuable aspects at every turn. Should that happen, we
have no recourse but to take it ranting and raving because we failed to
provide personal operating manuals. This is struggle.
As
a 14-year entrepreneur, I am yet to have too many clients and yet to
make too much money, whatever that looks like, but I have been known to
decline taking on some clients on occasion. We must as a matter of
professional conscience get to the point where we acknowledge that if a
person is going to pay us any amount of money for our service, they must
enjoy a good return on their investment. As consumers of professional
services, we too, must in good conscience appreciate that every
professional relationship has parameters within which we are required to
operate for optimum results. If the relationship is left without
boundaries, it inevitably degenerates into a struggle for both buyer and
seller.
This cannot possibly be productive for either party. It all boils down to understanding and appreciating one’s worth.
When
working with my coaching clients, I’m in my element. I learn who they
are, what their mindsets are, understand their strengths and weakness. I
candidly point these out as the foundation on which to base my
recommendations. Effective coaching means telling people about a whole
lot of the unflattering aspects of them that others would rather die
than tell them. I then help them to fix those unhelpful situations one
at a time. It is not an easy process for both client and coach.
It
is an emotional investment in each session and yes, I get pretty tired
after expending lots of energy getting people from where they are to
where they want to be but it is never a struggle. This is because I have
clearly laid out rules of engagement that clients commit to, as a
prerequisite to receiving my service. Over the years, I have travelled
the road to a place of healthy self-worth. It has freed me to
comfortably place a premium on myself for providing a service that comes
very easily for me and is invaluable to others.
If you
find it difficult to lay down your terms of engagement, you might as
well put up a sign that says; “I’m built to struggle”. This happens
because there's that tiny but nagging voice of insecurity in our minds
that convincingly tells us that “there must be pain for gain”.
That
is simply not true. It is self-hate. We mustn’t embrace struggle as a
way of life. Requisite effort, and smart work consistently done is
productive in, and of its own. It does not require struggle to validate
it. We must strive for what we want, not struggle. We must push beyond
the limits of the ordinary to attain extraordinary success, not
struggle. These are aspirational emotions that inspire our spirit to
reach for our ultimate potential.
Struggle is a place
that we have been conditioned to check into every so often so we can
feel adequately deserving of some reward. The truth is that when we
truly value ourselves, we naturally guard ourselves from struggle.
Seraphine Ruligirwa-Kamara, Executive Coach | Image Consultant
Sera@coachsera.com | @SRuligirwa
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