Your natural programming is to become wholesome in your own right. FILE PHOTO | NMG
"I want be my own man/woman”. Yes, if we each had a penny for
every time we’ve heard these words spoken, we could erase world poverty
in a heartbeat.
Take a moment to look around you. You
will begin to realise that most people need something or someone outside
of themselves to feel complete. That unfortunately paints a gloomy
picture of most people’s level of self-confidence.
If you walk up to the next person, introduce yourself and ask who he or she is, you’ll be looking into a very confused face.
If
the person recovers well enough from your question, you’ll get a name.
Mary John, for example. Ask again; “who are you? Now you’ll be staring
into a truly baffled face and then you’ll get a position at their
work-place – Head of Emerging Markets (Sub-Saharan Territory).
Press on; with the same question and come face to face with
reactions ranging from controlled amusement, mild irritation all the way
to flat-out anger and everything in-between.
Our
innermost need as humans is to actualise ourselves. Ourselves. Not our
names, titles, status and so on. Sadly, we are programmed in the exact
opposite way.
We are trained to be obedient, conform
to what others expect of us, sit still, attain academic excellence, get a
good job and work very hard at it, stay in our place and grow at
pre-determined paces – the job-grades and levels that organisations use
to organise us into groups for corporate human talent management
expediency.
We are programmed to please others, and
seek their approval. In fact, their approval as “the powers that be” is
highly coveted because it normally comes en-suite with a promotion,
bonus or some other reward that usually has material benefit.
There
is evidently a set of “life rules” to abide by and a set course to
follow. To go to school, attain good grades, get a good job, get
married, have children and live a certain way.
We all
know this well-patterned set of rules. We are taught to identify
ourselves with things and situations that are already set. Set by other
people, rarely ourselves.
And if we do not follow the
path of this pre-destined programme in one way or another, we join
others in deeming ourselves unsuccessful, under-performing or even
downright unfortunate.
Your
whole programming is designed to produce human products that
perpetually need external approval acceptance and acclaim at the
attainment of every milestone.
Your natural
programming is to become wholesome in your own right in spite of the
programming you have had. It is only then that you will be true to
yourself and bring real value that others will happily pay your asking
price. This is how you become your own man or woman.
This
is how you grow from asking the question: “what do you do”? to
understanding what the other person really is about. It is what makes
the difference between wanting to know where the person you just met
works and simply knowing how he or she adds value to life.
It
is how you go from saying: “I am a Regional Programmes Manager in
charge of seven countries in the Sub-Saharan region” to explaining that
you are a professional analyst who helps profit-driven companies
penetrate and expand their market-share in unchartered territories.
The
common thread is that we are trained to live life from a place of need.
We are trained to live life dependent on something outside ourselves to
“complete”.
These are the lessons that are taught.
Accepting these lessons like we have all done for years is akin to
drafting our very own declaration of dependence.
It’s time to declare yourself an independent individual.
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