In these dark times, full of unknown actors, gallows humour stands us in good stead

Tanzania opposition leader, Tundu Lissu, is wheeled into a plane. He was evacuated to Kenya for treatment at the Nairobi Hospital following an attempt on his life by unknown assailants. PHOTO | EDWIN MJWAHUZI 

In Summary

• They are banning a newspaper that has taken them to court challenging the very law that gives the ministry the powers to ban newspapers.

By JENERALI ULIMWENGU
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For any aficionados of gallows humour, Tanzania is the place to be right now, the ideal place for those who would laugh as they wait to be hanged.

Some of the condemned might joke about the strength of the rope about to be put around their necks, or what they are likely to find on the other side of the trapdoor.

For starters, there is the small matter of the shooting to kill of the president of the country’s Law Society, Tundu Lissu, who was shot in broad daylight in Dodoma as he went home for lunch after a parliamentary session.

Lissu was rushed to Nairobi for extremely urgent treatment to save his life after more than 30 slugs were pumped into him.

A lot of people were shocked by this happening, understandably, and the local “commentariat” as well as the regional and international rights bodies have been on the same page regarding Lissu’s assassination attempt.

But, in our dark moments, the dark humour has not abandoned us. We started with police reports which have taken the standard formulation of “unknown people” who did this or that, like, for instance, shoot Lissu.

The chattering classes have taken to it with gusto. There are now “unknown drinks” offered by “unknown people” to celebrate “unknown birthdays.”

Reports suggest that Lissu was attacked by “unknown people” in a white Nissan car.

Now, if a man wants to tell his wife he won’t be coming home all he needs to do is call the wife and report the sighting of “unknown people in a white Nissan” near his office.

Trouble is, the wife can also sight the other “unknown people” and proceed to spend the night “in hiding.”

It becomes even funnier when the police, acting on the “unknown white Nissan” theory, run around Dodoma and triumphantly report that they have spotted and commandeered eight such vehicles.

Like, those who attacked Lissu would still be in Dodoma in the same car they used in the assault.

This being a country bereft of spirituality but mired in religiosity, when something scary happens, people turn to prayer. So, groups of people have been organising prayer meetings to ask Providence to save Lissu’s life.

Arrests

But some of these meetings have been busted by police and people arrested for some inexplicable reasons.

Now, you may have heard of the talk about blaming the media for anything that goes awry. Well, they are blaming the media to no end around the Lissu issue. The man is fighting for his life, literally, and it will be nothing short of a miracle if he comes out of this in one piece.

For those who believe in prayer power, the thing to do for him would be to pray. But, apparently, there is limited room for those who can be prayed for.

So when a local newspaper asked, rhetorically, whether we should be praying for President John Magufuli — he regularly asks people to pray for him — or Lissu who, is in critical condition, the paper got a two-year ban from the Information ministry.

Ironically, this is the same newspaper that is in court challenging the very law which gives powers to ministry officials to ban media organs.

Apparently, the ministry does not find it embarrassing that they are banning a newspaper that has taken them to court challenging the very law that gives the ministry the power to ban newspapers. In other words, you can go to court all you want, but we can still do you in.

If you have been to school and have known schoolyard bullies, you probably know something about the schoolyard bully who is losing an argument to a smaller boy who uses his brain against the bully’s brawn. That is what is happening here.

You would think everyone around Parliament would be fully occupied with the attempt to kill Lissu, and that the Speaker would be worried that his “constituents” are being hunted down.

But Speaker Job Ndugai does not seem to be too preoccupied by that but rather wants to punish legislators who call him a puppet of the Executive.

That is what happened when he summoned Kigoma legislator, Zitto Kabwe, to answer charges in that vein. To his credit, Zitto was not laughing and stood his ground. But then, Ndugai is the Speaker. Watch this space.

Jenerali Ulimwengu is chairman of the board of the Raia Mwema newspaper and an advocate of the High Court in Dar es Salaam. E-mail: ulimwengu@jenerali.com