Experts can help those depressed. FILE PHOTO | NMG
Summary
- To put it as it is, ADHD is one of the commonest causes of failure to complete university education by otherwise clever boys and girls.
- Depression is the other possibility.
- If your son sailed through high school and did well in the first two years of university, then consider the possibility that he could be depressed.
- Many young people do not present to us with the classical signs of depression.
- For many, depression comes to the attention of doctors by way of behaviour change.
My son who is in his third year in a
private university has this annoying habit of lying to us every so
often. He is a day scholar but please note we do not police him but
require at least to know when he will be home. He might say he will be
home in the next 30 minutes then takes three hours… I have noted lately
he spends a lot of time in his room on his lap top and phone when not
having a class. I have told him several times he needs to put his
priorities right such that friends who do not add value need to go but
it seems my efforts have not borne any fruit.
You
sound like a typical parent of a university student. To summarise your
question, I understand you to be asking, what is wrong with my son? He
seems so strange that we do not seem to understand him any more.
If that be your real question, then there are several possible explanations as to what might be going on.
Starting with the simple and moving on to the complex, let us establish how long this behaviour has been in evidence.
Has
he, for example, been a young man who has always been rather strange?
Do you for example, recall times when you had to take him to boarding
school “to keep him away from the TV and social media?” is he the type
of boy who went to four different high schools, changing first because
he did not like the diet, then he did not get on with the maths teacher,
after which a fire at school led to his expulsion? Did he then go on to
surprise you and the teachers by getting an A- in Form IV against all
expectations? Now that you think about it, was he a hyperactive boy
about whom the teachers complained about poor concentration? Is he also
the boy most liked by your friends and who has close to a thousand
friends?
If this sounds like your son, then he could
easily be suffering from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
and a visit to a psychiatrist could help him get through university. To
put it as it is, ADHD is one of the commonest causes of failure to
complete university education by otherwise clever boys and girls.
Depression is the other possibility. If your son sailed
through high school and did well in the first two years of university,
then consider the possibility that he could be depressed.
That
he now spends “a lot of time in his room on his laptop” lends some
support for this clinical possibility. Many young people do not present
to us with the classical signs of depression. For many, depression comes
to the attention of doctors by way of behaviour change.
A
student whose grades are falling, who withdraws from his parents and
peers and who might be using alcohol and other drugs could easily be
depressed.
Some young men become moody, irritable, and
sometimes find themselves in fights in bars as they drink too much.
Still others get into multiple accidents, either on the roads or fall
from heights. Some die in this context while others suffer lifelong
injuries. The time for action is, therefore, now!
Other
mental illnesses such as schizophrenia have their onset in youth of
about this age and the evidence is now clear that those treated early
have the best outcomes.
There is, however, another
possibility that you might wish to consider. Does your son really want
to complete the degree that he is doing? Have you asked him if he is
still interested in being a computer engineer?
There are many university students who get “fed up” with the courses they found themselves in.
Some
were simply selected to do a BSC in Education because their first
choice eg Land Survey was not available. In the third year he finds
himself fed up and without any energy to pursue a degree course that he
hates.
Many others go to study law because their
parents studied law and have found fame and fortune in their legal
practice and in looking for an heir, forced their son to study law.
In
the third year, the young man has found the courage to abandon law and
to pursue film and music, which is the reason he is with his laptop and
phone all the time.
You have decided something is wrong
with him. He is equally sure that something is so wrong with you that
he is unable to talk to you about it because you will simply not
understand him.
As you can see, there are a number of
possible explanations for the behaviour of your son. Some to be solved
by you, others by the expert.
Readers are advised to send their questions to bdfeedback2@ke.nationmedia.com
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