Do not allow society to paint picture of who you ought to be

We have to spend time finding out who we really are instead of succumbing to the society’s expectations. FILE PHOTO | NMG 

By SERAPHINE RULIGIRWA-KAMARA

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My turn came to share the amount of financial support I brought with me to recent fund-raiser meetings.

I shared that I had come to offer my moral support. Unbeknownst to me, I seem to have shocked and
disappointed others by not declaring an impressive amount of money. No hand claps there.

In another round of collections, a darling soul quickly folded a currency note and offered it to me when it was almost my turn to make another contribution.

I lovingly and respectfully declined it with thanks. I later learned that it was to help me not ‘look bad’.

I am confident that he meant well and love him for his brand of support. I am however a firm subscriber of the notion that my presence, time and emotional involvement is just as important if not greater than my financial contribution.

Looking at my hands as I write this, the different sizes, shapes and lengths of my fingers further stress the reason why teams exist.

No matter how standardized expectation may be, we all play different roles at different times. It is however interesting to note just how much we allow societal expectations to dictate how much of ourselves we continually amend to fit the pre-determined bill.

We are expected to succeed in school – straight As in all subjects. We are expected to find, keep good jobs and rise to the top of respected multi-national organizations. We are expected to marry by a certain age, bear male, healthy, disciplined, cute, and intelligent children before the in-laws become restless.

We are expected to have money, time and other resources to offer others ever so readily at every unforeseen event.

We are expected to… how infinitely expectant life can be!

We spend our lives attempting to check every one of the boxes on the long list of others’ expectations rather than understanding, accepting and being ourselves.

We are willingly cornered into personifying the image painted by others rather than reaching the confidence that only comes with self-actualization.

We must do ourselves immense good by realizing that the space that a discerning few fill with a strong sense of self, the rest fill with objects, relationships, money, jobs and all manner of possessions that define who they are.

This is the snug expectations box that they continually attempt to squeeze us into. For them, the acceptable person conforms to this unwritten set of dictates.

The truth is that we owe society no debt by being the people that we know we are. On the contrary, our lives bear a significant obligation: to bar external situations from taking control of our actions and/or inactions.

The real or perceived severity of every situation is relative. We must ask ourselves if and how external situations change the core of who we are. They most likely do not unless we allow it. Society is you and I. You and I individually decide what our expectations of yourselves are.