HAVE YOUR SAY: Dad, it is not enough to pay my school fees, love me too

Majority of us who were born when we were struggling with multiparty issues don’t know anything about parental affection. ILLUSTRATION| JOSEPH NGARI 

In Summary

• This is for all of you raising children in this era of hashtags. Love and show them affection, paying school fees is not enough.
• Your kids need your attention, they need to spend time with you, and no, that annual trip to the Coast is not enough.

By JAN KAMAU

Majority of us who were born when we were struggling with multiparty issues don’t know anything about parental affection.

You take your first breathe and the first thing you sense  is a smiling face staring at you, probably because of the immense relief that marks the end of nine months’ hostage.

The smiling face belongs to your mother, who is gingerly holding you in her arms. You lie there, wishing she would kiss you and gently talk to you, tell you that she loves you, and then welcome you to this hotbed of everything, the Kenya everyone has been talking about, including Donald Tramp.

She doesn’t say anything though. You wait for her to kiss you on the forehead and tell you, “I love you son”, but she doesn’t. At least she is still holding you and smiling, and you hope that she will always have this smile whenever she looks at you. You wish you could smile back, but you can’t.

She still has not kissed you on the forehead, this utmost sign of affection between a parent and child. You tell yourself that she has forgotten, that when she finally plucks herself from the joy of having you, she will lean over you and kiss your forehead. She finally stops smiling and reaches for her phone.

She calls someone and simply says, “It’s a boy”, and then hangs up. Whoever heard of a phone call that lasts three seconds?

The call was to the man you will call daddy. They don’t talk much, these two. With time, you will come to learn that it is a crime to object to anything he says, even when you disagree with him.

You simply say yes and move on because he is the one that pays your school fees.

SMILEY FACES

You fall asleep on your mother’s chest, and when you wake up, you are at home. You sense smiley faces – your father is there, and he is trying so hard to smile, and you immediately sense that smiling is not his thing.

This might be the last smile you’ll get from him. Nobody has kissed your forehead until now, never mind that it is all you need right now, but nobody cares.

You know that it is now or never, that if you don’t get this much-awaited for affection now, you will never get it. Days pass by, but there’s no kiss on the forehead. Could it be that it is too western a gesture? With time, you realise that everyone, including your parents, is too busy looking for money to kiss or hug you, after all, affection never fed anyone.

This is for all of you raising children in this era of hashtags. Love and show them affection, paying school fees is not enough. Your kids need your attention, they need to spend time with you, and no, that annual trip to the Coast is not enough.

And please kiss them on the forehead, and listen to them too. Patiently listen to them, otherwise they will go seek information from other people, people that will mislead them. Spare an hour everyday, however busy your schedule is, and not just to show them homework.

I will tell you this for free, the best gift you can give your children is time. By the time that spoon-fed boy in your estate shows up in your daughter’s life and promises her everlasting love, she will have already known what love is, and will see through his sweet nothings.