Heartbreaks suck. They hurt too. They hurt more than physical pain. You
see, physical pain can be numbed by painkillers, not heartbreak though;
it is inescapable. It even follows you to bed and torments you.
ILLUSTRATION | JOSEPH NGARI
Heartbreaks suck. They hurt too. They hurt more than physical pain.
You
see, physical pain can be numbed by painkillers, not heartbreak though;
it is inescapable. It even follows you to bed and torments you.
That
sudden whiff of perfume that sends bittersweet memories running through
you. Those once beautiful memories which though still beautiful, send
an aching longing through you. The dress that remains hidden at the back
of the closet since seeing it elicits deep, silent, heart-wrenching
sobs that make the heart want to get out of the throat and run. That
song on the radio, that building you bumped into each other, the traffic
light you two jumped in a moment of madness, the silly, the incredible,
the simple, the mundane. They all become a litany of reminders that you
could do without.
Many cope with
heartbreak by becoming cynical. Never again fully trusting. Never going
all in, always settling for half measures. This I understand. The need
to protect your heart so it never hurts like it did the last time. It is
a bad place to go to, so you avoid it by all means.
But
it also means that future love will never be passionate or zany. You
convince yourself that moderate is much more preferable to the pain that
almost physically debilitates.
HEALING MANUAL
Others
go full on. They hit the highway, step on the accelerator and hit as
many as they can. They try to outrun the pain by leaving as many
bleeding hearts as possible. They make everyone suffer for the mistakes
of that one. This is a good road. A good road fraught with many
potholes. This is when we most need a guiding hand. Someone to help drag
us from the murk. Someone to help us stop self-sabotaging.
So
you say time will heal everything. That I should cry it all out.
Problem is, I am afraid I might drown us both before I run out. Problem
is, I will feel better for only a while before the next whiff of that
familiar scent.
Truth is, all I need
is a hand to hold on to. An ear to listen to my sob story as I retell
it for the umpteenth time. Maybe told more unintelligibly this time than
the last due to the crying. So give me all the helpful information.
Given time and several sob-induced headaches, I will emerge on the other
side. Everyone has their own way of coping. Mine will be working so
hard and working out so hard, that all the energy left after a day of
both will just be enough to squeeze out a few tears before sleep filled
with haunting memories takes me.
I
write this hoping that it will mend an aching heart and stop the tears
from flowing. I type it out as a reminder that I should bridge the gap
between the past and the present. I am also trying to find a manual of
how best to cope and what to do with an aching heart. Truth is though,
there is no manual for getting over heartbreak.
In
fact, there is nothing like getting over heartbreak. You just learn to
live with it. To touch the scar and marvel at the beautiful ugliness of
it. You learn to smile despite the scar. So, as my red eyes start
drooping from exhaustion and as my cheeks cake from endless tears, I
pray.
I pray that I emerge from the
other side more resilient than ever. Capable of loving as furiously,
feeling as much and hopefully saner. I hope I get out of the other side
maybe not wiser, but at least stronger, after all, it does get better
with time, doesn’t it?
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