How men cope with inadequacy

A smartly dressed, attractive woman reminds men of their inadequacy. So they strip her and shame her in an effort to subdue their strong feelings of sexual inadequacy. PHOTO | FILE 

In Summary

• The chairperson was already at the club entrance paying the rather exorbitant gate fees. The scene inside was horrific. It was a strip club! There were naked women dancing and some mingling with the audience.
• Occasionally, a naked woman would move close to one of the men, sit on his lap and provocatively rub her body against him. She would then move away, leaving the man helpless and pleading for more.
• There are few studies that have been done on why men go to strip clubs, but the ones that have been conducted show that a number of these men are married. They likely have unmet emotional and intimacy needs.

By JOACHIM OSUR
More by this Author

This was the first chama meeting ever to happen at night.

The chama is a women’s welfare group and I am the only male member by virtue of the fact that I shed light on issues of sexology whenever they arise in the group.

When the chairlady called me to alert me about it, she refused to tell me the venue or the reason for the unusual meeting.

 “I think I have a right to know what a meeting in an undisclosed location at night is all about,” I protested.

NO TOUCHING

“We have never harmed you and we are not about to, so kindly cooperate,” she said rather sternly. I gave in.

On the material day the group went to town in a convoy of cars. There were 20 members present. We went up the stairs in a building where some loud music was throbbing.

“I really do not understand all this. Are we supposed to be meeting in a disco hall?”

I asked. None of the members answered back. The chairperson was already at the club entrance paying the rather exorbitant gate fees.

The scene inside was horrific. It was a strip club! There were naked women dancing and some mingling with the audience.

Some were standing on tables. Over three quarters of the audience was mature men, most in their 40s and 50s and smartly dressed. Occasionally, a naked woman would move close to one of the men, sit on his lap and provocatively rub her body against him.

She would then move away, leaving the man helpless and pleading for more.

I learnt that the men were not allowed to touch the women. I felt dizzy and nauseated.

“Please I am sick, allow me to leave,” I shouted, the throbbing music muzzling my voice.

“Now we can proceed to the meeting venue,” the chairperson shouted back. We had just been about 10 minutes in the pub and off we left for our usual meeting venue.

“So tell us Mr Sexologist, what is it that men want?” the chairperson asked as she started off the meeting.

“Men have been undressing women in rage in the streets, claiming that they do not want to see some parts of their bodies; if that is the case why are they paying heftily to go and watch naked women dancing in a strip club?”

UNMET NEEDS

There are few studies that have been done on why men go to strip clubs, but the ones that have been conducted show that a number of these men are married. They likely have unmet emotional and intimacy needs.

One study found that such men feel unappreciated and are looking for female attention. Unfortunately, strip clubs do not satisfy the needs of the victim as such. They only offer momentary relief, and the man feels hollow as soon as he leaves the club. They keep going back there because the temporary emotional excitement is fulfilling.

However the hooligans stripping women in the streets are perpetuating the age-old feeling of sexual inadequacy that has befallen men over the ages. Men inherently feel sexually inadequate and fear that strong women will expose their inadequacy. This is why many cultures practice female genital cutting. They believe that if the woman’s sex organs are left intact, the woman may go ‘wild’ and become unable to be satisfied by one man. If the woman goes ahead to have sex with other men, the fear is that the original man’s inadequacy would be exposed.

A smartly dressed, attractive woman reminds men of their inadequacy. So they strip her and shame her in an effort to subdue their strong feelings of sexual inadequacy.

Stripping of women is part of sexual aggression that also includes rape and gender-based violence. All these barbaric acts are meant to intimidate women and make them feel inferior. They are the greatest violation of human rights tolerated by society. In that vulnerable position, inadequate men feel secure and reassured that they are still the better ones after all.

 “My call to men,” said the chairperson as we closed the meeting, “is that they should stop stripping, raping and beating women! They should find better ways of managing their feelings of inadequacy.”