The benefits of giving

Azim Jamal

By Nido Qubein and Azim Jamal, azim@corporatesufi.com

IN SUMMARY

The happiest people are those who focus on purpose and giving. You must travel the journey from success to significance. This happens when you begin to give and make a difference.
  


This is the second part of a series of articles on giving. Last week, we articulated that true happiness is in giving. Today, we bring yet another interesting aspect in the giving process. Read on:

The happiest people are those who focus on purpose and giving. You must travel the journey from success to significance. This happens when you begin to give and make a difference.

During Expo 1986 in Vancouver, British Columbia, Azim decided to take Gale, a wheelchair-bound friend, to visit the Expo. He picked her up at her house, patiently seated her in his car, put the wheelchair in the trunk, and proceeded to Expo.

When they reached Expo, they encountered a huge crowd with long lines everywhere. Azim felt that he had goofed badly by not thinking things through. He wondered how they would ever be able to wade through the crowd and negotiate the lines to see the shows. But since they had come all this way, Azim decided that they should take in at least a few shows. So they both waited in line.

After a few minutes, a police officer passed by and saw Gale in the wheelchair. He asked Azim and Gale to follow him. He took them to the front of the line, and told them that they could do the same thing at the rest of the shows. They saw most of the shows in a fraction of the time it would have taken Azim to see the Expo on his own. He was rewarded for his kind gesture.

It doesn’t always work out that way. But had the officer not appeared, Azim would still have persevered to ensure that Gale was able to experience the Expo. It’s the intention that counts.

If you’re like most people, you’ve been through difficult times with a friend who has a serious illness, or is hurting from a divorce, or is coping with some other difficult event in life. You have to balance the compassion, time, and energy you offer to such friends with your own ability to give. You have to be cautious not only for your own personal interest but also for theirs, because you want to empower, not overpower.

Rebecca approached Azim and shared her dilemma: “My husband is unreasonable; he does not care about me. My mother-in-law is the boss, and whatever she says my husband follows. I really feel wasted and am not using my creativity and genius. I am doing menial work, and my life is totally unbalanced.”

She told him of many things that were amiss in her life. Azim noticed that all her complaints were about other people. She was allowing them to control the way she felt. As long as this continued, she would continue to have problems until other people changed. That made it a totally helpless situation.

Azim discussed with Rebecca ways that this situation could change. It was soon apparent to Rebecca that if she wanted to effect change it would have to begin with herself. She had to take 100 per cent responsibility for creating change. It was her choice. She decided to become the change agent – a person with a sense of contributing. This is how she did it:

With her husband: She engaged her husband in a discussion of his ideals, goals, and visions. She was amazed at how similar his goals were to her own. By understanding his ideals, she was able not only to influence and contribute to them but also to invite his interest in her ideals and goals.

With her mother- in- law: She began by asking her about her childhood dreams, inspirations, and experiences. She was really taken aback by the struggles and challenges her mother-in-law had gone through. She began to reflect more deeply upon her relationship with her mother-in-law.

This reflection was a major challenge for her. Rebecca began to understand why her mother-in-law behaved the way she did. It did not justify her behavior, but knowing what lay behind the behavior helped Rebecca understand her better. This dialogue made Rebecca see her mother-in-law in a different light, and it enabled her to appreciate her better. It also made the mother-in-law feel important and valued; she realized that no one in the last few years had asked her about her childhood. This, of course, enhanced Rebecca’s standing in her eyes.

This article is an extract from “Life Balance the Sufi Way” by Azim Jamal and Dr Nido Qubein