Kenya@50: just a beautiful little girl

Nandi Hills MP Alfred Keter. He said that he Jubilee government must stop sidelining the URP leadership. This comes after MPs in the William Ruto wing of the Jubilee coalition accused The National Alliance of side-lining their party in government appointments and tenders. PHOTO/FILE

In Summary

• France is 36. She separated from Germany, although they come together from time to time. This deeply annoys Austria.
• Italy would like to be a woman like Belgium: An independent lawyer, who talks politics face to face with men.
• Israel is a 62 year-old intellectual who had a messy life.

By LUIS FRANCESCHI
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Hernán Casciari, Argentine journalist and writer, says that countries are not better or worse. They are simply different in age. This author calculated the age of countries based on the “dog” system.

Children are told that to know if a dog is old or young one had to multiply their biological age by 7. In the case of countries, we must divide their historical age by 14 to know their human correspondence.

For example, Casciari says, Argentina was born in 1816, and thus is 197 years old. If you divide by 14, Argentina is, humanly speaking, about 14 years old. This is an awkward age. Argentina is rebellious; it has no memory, answers without thinking and is full of pimples.

Almost all countries in Latin America are the same age and as usually happens in such cases, they form bands, like Mercosur. They rehearse in a garage, make lots of noise and have never released an album.

Mexico is also a teenager, but with indigenous ascendancy. Hence it laughs just like the rest of its buddies. Mexico usually joins with the United States, a 17 years-old reckless teen, who is dedicated to attacking the boys.

USA constantly wants to show off. It has more than the rest, and has an identity crisis. It knows its mother, but is not sure who its father is. It is hungry to bully 6 year-olds on other continents.

In the East, we find ancient China. If we divide its 1,200 years of modern history by 14, we get a venerable lady of 85, conservative, who keeps eating rice because she has to use a denture. China has a grandson, 8 year-old Taiwan, making life impossible.

Then there are countries who have just turned of age and can go for a ride in their parent’s BMW. For example, Australia and Canada are 18. Typical countries that grew under England as Dad and Mum.

They misbehave, and have started going drinking together with South Africa.

France is 36. She separated from Germany, although they come together from time to time. This deeply annoys Austria.

France is beautiful but she loses spontaneity by using too much perfume. Besides, France is almost always drunk and gets cheated often by England.

France likes hanging out on her own. But she is highly respected in the professional field. She has a child as young as 6 year-old Monaco, which is poised to become a pervert or a dancer...or both.

Italy is a long-time widow. She lives and cares for San Marino. In the past she was married to Germany and they had Switzerland, but now she wants to have nothing to do with men.

Italy would like to be a woman like Belgium: An independent lawyer, who talks politics face to face with men.

Spain is the most beautiful woman in Europe. Spain has children everywhere: In South America, Asia and even a little one in Africa: Equatorial Guinea. She says she loves them, but she can’t feed them.

Another one who has scattered children all over the world is England. But she still feeds them.

Scotland and Ireland, England’s half-brothers are living on the floor above. They always drink one too many and spend their lives watching football, even though they don’t know how to play. They are the shame of the family.

South Korea has a schizophrenic sister, who lives on the upper floor. They are twins, but the North drank amniotic fluid and become a bit retarded. She now lives alone; she is capable of anything.

The 17 year-old immature USA watches her a lot because he wants to take away her guns.

Israel is a 62 year-old intellectual who had a messy life. Now, instead of reading books, he spends his time on the old deck, swinging stones at Palestine, a girl who is washing clothes in the house next door.

One day Russia joined perestroika and had a dozen and a half children. Some are strange and other schizophrenics. If they share a Christian name, they are brothers…like Arthur.

Kenya is just a 3.5 year-old toddler. She is cheerful and sharp, she knows how to laugh and make people laugh. She is the nice little girl everyone one wants to come and see. Often they spoil her with gifts.

She is fond of imitation. She imitates the behaviour of the grownups a lot, especially grandma England.

She is starting to tell a few lies here and there, but they are small white lies. She has learnt them from old China.

Not that China is a liar, but she is 85 and she often forgets if she has given toddlers a gift or a loan. She also easily forgets the amount.

 

Kenya is already attending her kindergarten, the African Union, where she commands some respect. This makes little Botswana fired up and green with envy, but they quickly make up, like all children do.

Let’s love this little girl, Kenya. Pray for her leaders, her people, her peace, her unity. A great desire for this Kenya@50.

May she grow old and fruitful. May her leaders’ life and deeds be celebrated like Madiba’s.

Isn’t this a beautiful wish?