MPs, listen to the cries of Kenyans

Political leaders argue with Netherlands police who had asked them to clear area around ICC building, the leaders were waiting for Deputy President William Ruto's arrival at the court for September 20, 2013 proceedings. PHOTO/BILLY MUTAI 

In Summary

• You cannot hate a people’s guts and love their country or their services and relish their genetically modified foods like you were doing on international television.
• Did you realise the damage you were doing to Brand Kenya or to Kenya’s tourism industry — did you realise just how badly you were damaging Kenya’s image?
• It is time you gave the country a break — Kenyans need to move on and they have had enough of your useless theatrics

Dear Kenya’s elected personalities; I appreciate the fact that you are busybodies and will not make the time to read this, but I want to trust that your personal assistants can read it for you.

Calling you busybodies is an understatement, and the real busybodies — Kenya’s infamous socialites who enjoy your companies — might have the spine to complain that I am spoiling their already bad names.

When you get to that level where socialites have such thoughts about you, then you have reached a new low — and you can only seek relevance by shouting at the tops of your voices and effortlessly making fools of yourselves. I should have guessed that comes naturally to you.

Some people have even suggested that you are sycophants, but the real sycophants of yore must be turning in their graves, considering that you do not even know how sing to paeans, or even the National Anthem, and the people you think you are impressing are too busy running their lives to notice your tomfoolery.

Even if you are called sycophants, take heart, for you are in the same boat with the country’s overrated, arm-flailing, attention-seeking advocates.

Sailing with you in the sycophancy boat are media entities, and technocrats too, those people we heard have the capability to deliver all the pillars of Vision 2030 in 2013 but lack the wherewithal to tell the difference between basic commodities and luxuries, and have to be directed to think straight, or even think at all.

Thinking is an exercise that eluded you. If it were a bus, you missed it because you were still busy throwing tantrums like spoilt adolescents, or you just stood in the middle of the road and it ran you over because you were in a drunken stupor — yeah, drunk with thoughtlessness — and you did not see it coming.

What was going through your minds when you passed the VAT Bill?

Did you think that your relatives, mistresses and toy boys will be shopping at different places from other Kenyans and will not be affected by the exorbitant prices?

Or were you hoping that they will also hold secret meetings with the powers that be and their salaries and allowances will be increased to stratospheric levels?

HARDLY MISSED

You know, if all of you — and I mean the whole lot of you on both the government and the other disorganised side — left this country to some undisclosed place, we would be hard-pressed to notice your absence, of course unless you are at some European capital and start spoiling Kenya’s name like you have been doing for a couple of weeks now.

People, you have to learn to wholly dislike things and places.

You cannot hate a people’s guts and love their country or their services and relish their genetically modified foods like you were doing on international television.

You cannot claim to despise the West or the Dutch so much, and then be ready to sell your souls and parents so you can go and stay there for weeks, all the while injecting money in to their economy and making asses of yourselves before the world.

Did you realise the damage you were doing to Brand Kenya or to Kenya’s tourism industry — did you realise just how badly you were damaging Kenya’s image?

Did it occur to you that you could have done Kenya’s tourism sector a whole lot of good by visiting local destinations and spending that money in the establishments there instead?

Before you left the country, you were shouting from every available space about going to give moral support, but you just ended up complicating the situation further and were just giving mortal support.

It is time you gave the country a break — Kenyans need to move on and they have had enough of your useless theatrics.

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Is the defences forces’ lack of visibility a sign of peace or is it a sign of a pampered military?

Some days ago, I received a call from a friend from across the border where news about the military always fill the airwaves unlike in Kenya where the armed forces are only heard about during passing out parades or national holidays.

I know not whether Kenyans should be happy that their defence forces are more in the barracks — okay, in Somalia — than on the local streets. Actually, I do not know whether that is a sign of a peaceful country or whether it is a sign of an under-worked or pampered military.

My friend and I talked about different issues, ranging from the Kenyan media to of course Kenyan women who think Ugandan and Tanzanian women are meek, and at the same time give them competition because they are preferred by Kenyan men.

Well, I am not a relationship expert, and since I am a happily unmarried parent — being a single parent is too mainstream — what do I know about East Africa’s women and their preferences?

“Kenya’s women are tough,” he said. “Kenya’s secretary of defense is a woman you know.”

Oh, you are right, I said, startled, then I remembered that I had totally forgotten about Raychelle Omamo and her expensive-looking designer dark glasses — because she is rarely seen or heard.

Anyone know where she is or which days of the week she speaks?

Or is Kenya a peaceful country and secretary of defense does not have to be seen or heard every now and then? (I am asking for a friend).