This week Saturday Magazine got four women to open up their hearts and
say what they would really want to tell people they were at loggerheads
with. PHOTO | FILE
It is not often that people get to lay their hearts bare and express what they really feel deep down in their hearts, be it to a bad boss, a husband’s mistress or a wayward friend. This week Saturday Magazine got four women to open up their hearts and say what they would really want to tell people they were at loggerheads with.
TO MY EX-HUSBAND'S NEW WIFE
I hope you are well.
Sincerely. Our relationship has been frosty at best and our exchanges
have been nasty which is understandable seeing as you were dating the
man that is now your husband while we were still married. PHOTO | FILE
I
hope you are well. Sincerely. Our relationship has been frosty at best
and our exchanges have been nasty which is understandable seeing as you
were dating the man that is now your husband while we were still
married. Time has passed, decisions have been made and all that is now
water under the bridge.
I would like
to have a different conversation today. I was married to him for 13
years and I know him well enough. I can predict the course of your
relationship. I could tell you that at some point he will cheat on you
with a younger version of yourself, maybe even put his hands on you and
that he will ultimately break your heart but I won’t. I will not call
you names for being the beginning of the end of my family. I will also
not vilify you for causing me countless sleepless nights. Or because my
husband spent on you that loan from Kenya Women’s that I am still paying
for.
Today, I want to talk about our
relationship, you and me. About our future. After some soul-searching, I
have realised that my children are better off with two parents rather
than one. Whether he and I are seeing eye to eye or not, we are going to
remain a family. This means that for as long as the children are under
18, you are going to see me. I don’t want you to feel insecure about it.
We as a couple are in the past, but we remain parents to the three
children we have together. We can’t change that.
While
God knows that this had not been my initial plan, you are going to be
my children’s stepmother. I can’t lie that I like you very much or that I
plan to ever be friends with you.
But
it is what it is. We are adults. They are children; they didn’t choose
this situation. I pray that we accept the situation and remain mature
about it as we have these past months. It’s just been a couple of months
and they might not know what to call you or how to act when they come
over to your house. I hope that you can help me model healthy
co-parenting to them.
Respectfully,
L.M.M
L.M.M is a divorced mother of three. She is on the journey to finding love again.
***********
TO THE PARENT OF THE BULLY AT MY CHILD'S SCHOOL
The
last time you and I saw each other was in the principal’s office. You
came in a huff and without even listening to anyone else’s side of the
story, accused us all of lying. Your precious child, you said, couldn’t
be a bully.
That morning, eight
months ago, you attacked my parenting styles. You seemed to think that
my child being a victim of bullying has something to do with my marital
status. I doubt that I can change your outlook, so I am not going to
try.
I am not going to attack your
parenting styles either. I will not tell you that your child is a bully
because you raised them wrong. I am however going to address the fact
that you fail to do anything about the situation.
I
somehow get where you are coming from. I would be surprised too if
someone called my little munchkin a bully. No parent thinks of their
child like that. What you do not seem to know is that the damage that
your child is causing is very real.
My
son had to go through weeks of therapy. He could be scarred, I don’t
know. How many other children is your child bullying out there?
Think
about it, what if the tables were turned? What if it was your child
that came home every day from school with a crushed spirit and eyes red
from crying, who never got to eat his snacks at break time because
another child got to his bag first. Who was jeered at on the playground
and told he was not a man because he did not have a man at home?
Would
you still have the same sentiments? Would you still think that the
heartbroken child needed to man up? Do not forget that we as parents are
on the same side of this.
Have you
considered what might be going on in your child’s head? Sure, you might
not care much about what is happening to mine, but have you considered
that your child may be acting out because they are hurting inside? That
making your child accountable for his actions will be helping him more
than it will help my child?
Your fellow parent,
T.W.K
T.W.K is a Nairobi banker and a single mother of two. Her first priority, she says, is protecting her children.
*************
TO MY OVERSHARING FRIEND ON FACEBOOK
I am not going to unfriend you
because with marriage and parenthood, we hardly ever get time to catch
up face-to-face. I just wish that you would employ just a bit of
consideration in regard to the bits of your life that you put out there.
PHOTO | FILE
I
like you. Love you even. This is evident from the fact that I have kept
you as a friend both on social media and in real life for years. You
are a good person. I’m afraid though that I can’t say the same about
your social media habits.
Facebook is
a networking site, it’s where people keep in touch. While you were
updating moment by moment of your hot new relationship with Mr Right in
2012, did you stop to think that there may have been a friend of yours
mourning a breakup?
You have a sharp
tongue and I know that if I was telling you this face-to-face, you
would tell me to scoot. To move over if I come across a post that I
don’t want to see. The truth however is that you wouldn’t post anything
that you didn’t intend me to see.
While
you were updating photos and weekly stories of your pregnancy, I was on
my second round of in-vitro fertilization. It failed.
I
am not blaming you for my infertility, no. I am just telling you that
while I was struggling with my life’s biggest challenge, I had your
perfect life to compare myself to. It broke my heart. I cried many
times.
I am not going to unfriend you
because with marriage and parenthood, we hardly ever get time to catch
up face-to-face. I just wish that you would employ just a bit of
consideration in regard to the bits of your life that you put out there.
How about saving the intimate bits for the inbox to appropriate people?
You
also seem to have a very short memory. Remember when you called our
friend C. in tears that you’d had a nasty fight with your husband and
you had gone to your mother’s for the week? Well, she told me and I was
surprised to see photos of you and him kissing and hugging the morning
after. If we are real friends, I don’t understand the need for you to
pretend that you are happy. It makes me doubt our connection, our
friendship. I often feel like we are frenemies, not friends.
They
say to each, his own. If I could have it my way, we would all use
social media for what it was meant for, networking. We would leave the
intimate moments where they belong.
Your friend,
F.O
Thirty-three-year-old
F.O is a Nairobi-based businesswoman. She wishes things with her girls
could go back to the way they were before social media.
************
TO MY TOUGH BOSS
I will be honest. I have
called you names in the recent past. Many unpleasant names. I wrote them
down in emails that I never intended to send. I have had a very unhappy
past two-and-a-half years and you have been a big contributor to my
unhappiness, pain and frustration. PHOTO | FILE
When
I first started working for you, I was elated. I’d heard that you are
very successful and hardworking. I have seen this to be very true. What
nobody told me about was your horrible interpersonal skills.
I
will be honest. I have called you names in the recent past. Many
unpleasant names. I wrote them down in emails that I never intended to
send. I have had a very unhappy past two-and-a-half years and you have
been a big contributor to my unhappiness, pain and frustration.
First,
I do not appreciate when you bellow my name from your corner office. My
ears work just fine and I do not understand why you need to intimidate
me to get me to work. If you were just a little bit cordial, our working
relationship would probably function better.
According
to the office rumour mill, you were going through a divorce about two
years ago. Divorce can wreak havoc to one’s emotions. I know because I
was going through a similar experience. The only difference is while I
kept my feelings and struggles in check and tried my best to do my job,
you opted to bring yours to work and take it out on me and my
colleagues.
You shouted, trashed my
work and made me stay late even when I didn’t have to. What you didn’t
know is that those evening hours were precious as I was losing custody
of my child. I am not asking that we form a support group. Just that you
be more human.
Remember the time
that *Kevin and I had a bit of explaining to do after the audit report
but when you were called in you let me take all the blame? I know it was
because the two of you had something going.
I
know it is none of my business and that you got where you are on the
career ladder all by yourself but I think that was an unwise career
move. I am glad I could get all these things out of my chest.
Your junior,
J.M.M
Twenty-nine-year-old
J.M.M works in a financial institution in Nairobi. She wishes that
managers understood that people follow as they are led.
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