A street beggar shields himself from the rain with an umbrella. Just
like the weatherman’s prediction is sometimes inaccurate, it is not
possible to predict the level or type of challenges that you might
encounter in your relationship. PHOTO | JEFF ANGOTE
At last, it seems as if the rainy season is finally coming to an
end, or so hope those who live in Nairobi and its environs, because the
rains have been a nightmare.
As the last drops fall,
it is time to take stock and reflect on some of the lessons we can draw
from the floods that have wreaked havoc in our roads and homes.
You
guessed where I am heading with this: to relationships, which are
sometimes besieged by heavy rains and storms. What are some of the
lessons that we can learn from the rains?
A
standard line in relationship counselling is that challenges are part
of the bargain, a normal part of the relationship experience.
With
this in mind, the couple is prepared for the challenges that set in
after marriage, giving them the ability to weather the early storms
without too much disruption.
NEW LEAKS
But
like this rainy season (and some past episodes such as the infamous
el-nino), sometimes the challenges overshoot the predictions by a long
stretch. This might leave some relationships badly damaged and some
shattered, with no chance of recovery.
Just
like the weatherman’s prediction is sometimes inaccurate, it is not
possible to predict the level or type of challenges that you might
encounter in your relationship. So here is the lesson: expect challenges
in your relationship, and just in case they seem more daunting than you
anticipated, note that that too is part of it. As an enlightened person
once said, if it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger.
One
of the mistakes couples make is to assume that since there were no
leaks during the last rainy season, there will be none during the
present season. The reality, however, is that any structure that is
exposed to the elements is likely to suffer some depreciation, and leaks
might appear in the least expected places, places you thought were
tightly sealed.
Likewise, relationships are constantly exposed to the various elements of life.
In
many cases, complacency might creep in after people have been together
for a while, forgetting that “new” leaks might appear in our
relationships even when we think we are in a good place.
When this happens, we can easily fail to recognise the first drops of conflict, which are the forerunners of a perilous storm.
In
practical terms, it means that as partners, we should maintain a
constant, as well as a ‘live’ connection with each other to make it
possible to identify new challenges and deal with them.
WISE COUPLES
Another important lesson to bear in mind is that the rains don’t usually come in torrents during the start of the rainy season.
A
wise couple does not wait for the rain to start pounding, rather, they
confront the challenge before it gets full-blown and therefore
unmanageable, leaving destruction in its wake.
Learning
to identify the first drops of an approaching storm is a critical skill
in resolving conflict. I once heard a man say that if his wife serves
him food without looking at him, he does not eat until he finds out the
reason for her reaction. His reasoning is that by taking the opportunity
to resolve minor issues, he forestalls the possibility of a destructive
storm.
Lesson: learn to act when the
first drops fall, identify the likely challenges and deal with them
then, before the storm comes and finds you unprepared.
Well, the rainy season might be coming to an end, but as sure as day and night, it will come again.
Even
as you enjoy the sunshine, remember that when the rains come by once
again, the challenges might be more than anticipated, new challenges
might crop up, but acting while the rain drops are still gentle might
save us a life time of pain and regret.
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