Activists march in Kibera, Nairobi, last week, to mark the start of 16
days of activism against gender-based violence. PHOTO : Anthony Omuya
As the world marks 16 days of activism, mine is
360 days. No day passes without me having an encounter with gender
violence — a woman with a broken limb, a lost tooth, a stab wound.
Once
in a while, I meet a man with a deep cut, or whose manhood has just
been attacked either by his wife or a suspecting husband.
Indeed,
every morning when I go to work, I am always psychologically prepared
for anything. GBV is a universal problem affecting both men and women.
However, the magnitude differs from nation to nation, region to region
and community to community.
Violence against women is
so rampant in some communities that it has become acceptable. My opinion
on ending gender-based violence lies in the way we socialise our
children, both boys and girls.
GBV is a parenting
issue. In many families, the boy-child is deemed to be superior. What do
we tell our sons when they come into the house crying? “Stop crying
like a girl”.
As a parent, you have just created a man
that will never respect a woman. When teachers appreciate a girl who is
doing well by saying “She is very bright, she even beats boys in her
class”, you have just disempowered the girl.
I have
always been shocked at how casually our communities treat violence
against women and girls. A crime as serious as defilement never reaches
the courts, since most of the time, compensation is paid at home and
never benefits the victim.
I equally get shocked at
the condemnation that a few courageous people who dare go to court get
from the same community for causing someone unnecessary suffering. Woe
unto you if the person is sent to prison!
There is a
need for concerted efforts if we hope to curb GBV. Everyone needs to
appreciate that GBV is a serious problem in our communities that needs
everyone’s contribution to stamp out.
This
calls for everyone doing the right thing. The victims need to speak out
openly. Victims have a big role to play to end GBV because as long as
they do not break the silence, the vice will go on.
This
culture of silence is more common among the elite, who think GBV is for
the poor and uneducated. When it happens to them, they feel too ashamed
to speak out because of their status. This is the lot that lives in
denial with a false smile on their lips, while inside they are hurting.
Parents
need to learn not to discriminate among their children on the basis of
their gender. They need to teach their children to respect each other
and treat them according to their abilities.
In my own
community, when a parent cannot raise school levies, the son is given
the first priority, even if the daughter does better in class.
I
have seen incidents where the girl is either married off or sent to do
domestic work in order to raise money to pay the brother’s fees.
I
do not consider it a shame, failure or taboo for anyone to walk out of
an abusive relationship especially where life is threatened. I have
often wondered why men and women hold on until one day, a parent kills
the whole family.
Service providers have added fuel to
the GBV fire by making it hard for victims to get help. Demands for
bribes is both justice delayed and denied.
This is a
big problem when victim are seeking P3 forms to seek legal redress. The
police will demand a bribe ranging from Sh1000 to Sh3000 before making
available and filling the form. Legally, this form should cost Sh100.
Some clinicians also demand bribes before filling in the medical report
apart from the Sh1000 paid for the hospital seal.
The
police have in some cases done a shoddy job while carrying out
investigations either because they are overwhelmed by the number of
cases, or they do not care.
I wish magistrates knew the
pain they cause the victims when perpetrators buy justice. Recently in
Butula, a mother and her disabled daughter were rescued after the mother
locked herself and her daughter in a house and set it ablaze after the
court ruled in favour of the perpetrator caught defiling the girl.
We
all must come together to kick GBV out of our houses, communities,
regions and nation. Make it your personal commitment because “it all
starts with me!”
Ms Makokha is the Executive Director, Rural Education and Economic Enhancement Programme based in Butula, Busia County.
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