Lilian Njiru is the founder of Refine Etiquette and Image Consulting, a company that teaches people etiquette. FILE PHOTO | POOL
Lilian Njiru has a keen interest in matters that touch on good manners, courtesy, and civility in general.
It is something she learned as a little girl and one that she has cultivated growing up and working in the corporate world.
“I have always grown up knowing I love elegance. And some of the seemingly little things that our parents taught us when we were young, like sitting with your legs together. You know, expected manners as we thought of them. Greeting the proper way, introducing and welcoming others. Lending a helping hand when you can. Letting others go first, not speaking with food in the mouth among others,” says Ms Njiru.
“All this is etiquette even though we didn’t think about it as such.”
Ms Njiru is the founder and principal consultant at Refine Etiquette and Image Consulting, a company that teaches people etiquette.
Growing up, she has been so duteous about it that her bosses have taken note.
“Practicing executive presence— where you’ve got to exercise soft skills linked to being a good leader is how I was able to plug into the other side of me. For example, gravitas. How you carry yourself, your appearance, your behaviour…I had a lot of that doing my job and most of the executives I served picked this up about me. And they’d comment about it. I knew it was something special. And I knew it was something I wanted to leverage,” says the executive assistant that has over 18 years of experience.
Lilian Njiru, is the founder of Refine Etiquette and Image Consulting, a company that teaches people etiquette. FILE PHOTO | POOL
“I thought,” she muses, “there’s this gap that exists in our community—in personal and professional lives, why not impart these skills to others?”
To start her etiquette consulting business, she went through a six-month Etiquette Certification Training programme at Luxury Academy in London.
“During the Covid-19 closures, my desired institution offered an online programme. And I decided to seize that opportunity.”
Certification
“I had always wanted to go into a finishing school for refinement. During the Covid-19 induced lull, I decided since there wasn’t much I was doing….I could get certified to do this. I was however already talking about etiquette on social media, even before attending class for it.”
“During the training, I learned, questioned, and then questioned some more. Why do we do things the way we do them? Those are some of the things I had to question, unlearn, learn, and relearn. I had to work on my confidence levels. I thought I had confidence.”
Now she is a certified coach teaching people how to behave correctly in the presence of others-the etiquettes of social interaction.
“Etiquette cuts across all social status,” she says “Good etiquette is about making people comfortable. It’s about knowing how to treat others respectfully and appropriately in any context, by knowing how to read social cues and communicate effectively, we put others at ease, foster meaningful relationships and create a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere. It doesn’t matter where you are.”
About the classes
Her classes are designed for individuals from all walks of life to help improve their social skills. They teach them how to conduct themselves so they're able to carry themselves with more polish and confidence in various social situations and settings, especially in professional settings, where they are highly valued.
Read: Proper etiquette: Rules to save you egg-in-face moments
"They’re for people who want to make better impressions and those who want to improve their overall self-presentation, which covers the image, your confidence, your dining and social etiquette. And those keen to project a more positive and confident image to the world,” she says, “You know those travelling often… so that when you land in Italy, you're not flustered. We impart knowledge on what is expected of you. You've already learned the basic etiquette, so you're able to integrate much more easily.”
She has encountered people who think etiquette is a far-fetched concept. She explains however that it is all about how people relate with each other every day. It is about the smooth navigation of situations.
“We are in Kenya but we’ve positioned ourselves to serve a global market.”
The clientele
Ms Njiru works with diverse groups of people as well as individuals.
Attendees at a finishing school learning the art of setting a table organised by Lilian Njiru, the founder of Refine Etiquette and Image Consulting in Nairobi. FILE PHOTO | POOL
“I work with corporates or businesses which have on-boarded new client-facing employees. Because these are a representation of your company, there’s the type of behaviour that team members are expected to follow to uphold the company image.”
Most of her clients are diplomatic assignees, and officers coming into the country assigned to a diplomatic mission or an international organisation and seeking to integrate well into the Kenyan culture.
“But we also have those (Kenyans) travelling out to go on missions abroad. These are individuals who are keen to behave well, correctly among the nationalities of their host country,” she explains.
These diplomatic classes are normally private, as they’re tailored to the individual’s specific needs, she says. With the private coaching sessions (one-on-one) clients receive on-target, customised training.
"This is tailor-made, so I will design the course according to your needs."
“Take an example of a Kenyan diplomatic officer being posted to China. They need to know the basics about that country’s culture. Like that in Chinese culture, it is not only socially acceptable to slurp when eating soup, it is considered polite and a sign that the meal is being enjoyed. However, do that in Kenya, or maybe even in other cultures and you will be thought of as being rude, crude, even unrefined.”
“Saudi Arabia you don’t just go shaking hands with women. These are some of the things we are trying to set straight,” she says, noting that she has had to delve into the study of different cultures across the world and their varied behaviour.
“I’ve gone through over 245 books on etiquette and culture and societal norms, I’ve studied Japanese, Chinese culture among others….I also have etiquette expert partners all over the world. When I have a client travelling to whatever destination, I reach out to my colleagues in that country and get updated, debriefed.”
Read: Committee etiquette that delivers impact
She notes that in some countries once one gets into a leadership position with the government then they have to go through etiquette training.
“It is mandatory that one has to go through protocol and diplomacy training because their day-to-day interactions mandate it. They frequently engage with other leaders and represent different countries and cultures and they ought to be able to represent their countries in these different settings with the propriety it merits.”
Dressing the part
She also offers classes for personalities and individuals merely interested in presenting themselves as polished business professionals, or individuals.
Sometimes this involves how one presents themselves including their wardrobe.
"This means that sometimes I have to be involved in wardrobe overhauls because what you wear speaks volumes about your personality and could be the dealbreaker in terms of getting that promotion or not."
“In the two years that I have been coaching and consulting on matters etiquette, I’ve particularly received several requests from leaders, especially female leaders, who are especially interested in emotional intelligence, how to carry oneself.
Her company also offers a programme for university students—as a social investment—to prepare them for formal politeness as they join the job market.
She says, “We also work with people experiencing social anxiety, and shyness, and want to improve their confidence, including being comfortable in social situations. We're able to help them and navigate that, so they’re able to enjoy networking events with ease.”
→ pkairu@ke.nationmedia.com
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