Husbands should be brave enough to take up their wives’ last names

Why is it so surprising, shocking, eventful, that a man would take his wife’s surname?... Men, you will not cease to exist by taking your partner’s surname, on the contrary, you’ll be remembered as a man who stood by change. PHOTO | FILE 

In Summary

• Men, you will not cease to exist by taking your partner’s surname, on the contrary, you’ll be remembered as a man who stood by change.
• Whatever the case, I have a feeling that if a Kenyan man dared to adopt his wife’s surname, he would be laughed at and jeered out of the country within minutes of making this brave (or is it foolhardy?) announcement.   

By CAROLINE NJUNG'E
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I try very hard not to write about relationships because, well, I don’t think I know anything about them.

Also, from what I have observed around me, I have come to the conclusion that they are so complex, that blanket advice, no matter how intelligent and sane it sounds, does not necessarily work for every relationship.

For instance, the other day, someone I know got my eyes popping out in disbelief when she told me about what transpired during a party she had been invited to.

The music was good, the food in plenty, the company good. So far so good. Until a normal-looking couple stood up and began to ask the guests whether they would be interested in having a romp with them. I am told they were so casual about it, you would have thought they were offering to refill glasses of water.

What is even more shocking is that this couple has been married for more than 10 years, church wedding and all the frills that come with it, and have two children together. According to those who knew them, they often did this kind of thing.

Now, if you’re wondering, this couple does not come from one of those European countries where these kinds of propositions are hardly earth-shattering; they are what you would call “Kenya damu”, Kenyan to the core.

LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN

They live more or less the same kind of life you and I live — they go to work, help their children with homework in the evening, attend weddings and burials, the only yawning difference being that (or is it only a big deal in my eyes?) they, to be polite, have very loose views about sex.

Ideally, marriage is supposed to be monogamous. It is said that having a roving eye, or to be precise, roving everything, spells doom for marriage.

Experts are often quoted saying that most relationships touched by infidelity crumble, yet here is a married couple that actively seeks this “marriage-killer” with each other’s cheerful consent.

Preaching faithfulness to such a couple would backfire spectacularly, wouldn’t it? Yes, relationships are complex.

A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled on an interesting story about Zoe Saldana, the American actress who starred in the breath-taking movie 'Avatar' and the action-packed 'Colombiana'. It turns out that her husband, Italian artist Marco Perego, took her surname after their marriage.

As you can imagine, this revelation got many tongues wagging, with most wondering which self-respecting man would adopt his wife’s name. He was surely a sissy, a kept man, others concluded.

When it seemed that the debate wasn’t about to end, Zoe took to her Facebook page to defend her husband, writing in part, “Fathers, sons, brothers, men… your legacy will not perish if you take your partner’s surname, or she keeps hers.”

Why is it so surprising, shocking, eventful, that a man would take his wife’s surname?... Men, you will not cease to exist by taking your partner’s surname, on the contrary, you’ll be remembered as a man who stood by change.

Either Zoe’s husband is an extremely confident man, or one so enamoured and drunk in love, that taking her surname was the ultimate declaration of his love.

Whatever the case, I have a feeling that if a Kenyan man dared to adopt his wife’s surname, he would be laughed at and jeered out of the country within minutes of making this brave (or is it foolhardy?) announcement.