Okoa Kenya? It’s my comrades who need saving

Last week, Cord launched the Okoa Kenya drive, an initiative that they promise will deliver the country from insecurity, devolution and corruption woes. ILLUSTRATION| JOSEPH NGARI 

In Summary

• Ever since the #mydressmychoice thingy (which Grandpa Richard wholly supported), it has been noted that my colleagues of the fairer gender consigned all their clothes to the dustbin and went on a shopping spree at the kids section of the fashion store.
• As such, all their clad leave bare acres of flesh to be desired by equally lubricious men.

By JOWAL JONES
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Last week, Cord launched the Okoa Kenya drive, an initiative that they promise will deliver the country from insecurity, devolution and corruption woes.

While welcoming this latest gimmick in Kenya’s political circus, my old man, Grandpa Richard, believes that politicians are barking up the wrong tree.

“If anyone really has any intention of saving this country, then they would focus all their machinery on college and university students,” he opines.

The youth, who are supposed to be the future of this country, are fast sinking down the toilet and if the government wants to ensure a utopian future for the nation, then it should start by pulling varsity students out of the abyss. Now is the time to exorcise from them the demons that are haunting our current Parliament, like sexual perversion and high-level corruption.

Ever since the #mydressmychoice thingy (which Grandpa Richard wholly supported), it has been noted that my colleagues of the fairer gender consigned all their clothes to the dustbin and went on a shopping spree at the kids section of the fashion store.

As such, all their clad leave bare acres of flesh to be desired by equally lubricious men.

If the recent weather trends are anything to go by, then my comrades, who have long forgotten how to wear a blouse that covers the cleavage and a skirt that goes beyond the knees, risk falling prey to a number of diseases. Save them from pneumonia this rainy season, will you?

You can call Grandpa Richard a caveman who refuses to embrace modern trends, but hell will freeze over before my old man recognises becoming a socialite as a respectable career path. Another occupation the retiree spits upon is the one that involves my comrades frittering their parents’ money on online football betting sites.

SAVED FROM WRONG PROFESSIONAL MOVES

Students should be saved from making the wrong profession moves by being offered career guidance that will bring back the good, old-fashioned professionals like rainmakers, potters and herbalists. And just for the record, potters and herbalists have nothing to do with marijuana.

There’s been plausible grousing that my comrades are increasingly averaging the African bush elephant in weight due to overreliance on fast foods. We need to redeem this generation by putting them all on a strict diet to curtail obesity and a plethora of diseases such as high blood pressure and heart problems.

We also need to prevent excessive intake of sugar that might lead to diabetes, and this will entail chaining them away from sugar mamas and sugar daddies.

The liver is a large and complicated reddish-brown glandular organ located in the upper right portion of the abdominal cavity, without which we will all definitely drop dead. As such, enemies of development have come up with an ingenious plan to phase out the country’s future by supplying liver poison to all institutions of higher learning in the form of alcohol. We should not allow this to happen.

And how about introducing them to God in order to save them from eternal damnation?