Why you’ll need to make more money in 2015

In Summary

• The fines are piling up for unfortunate souls who are paying them left, right and centre, even if the amounts to be paid are not completely clear to the public or the police.
• Consider the fact that the Senate was side-lined and overlooked and by the time we remembered, the matter was in court.
• This is why your rent is increasing, because there is no way your landlord is going to take less on 2015 than he has been in 2014.

By ABIGAIL ARUNGA
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The year is over, and in the new one to come, everyone will have to start making a lot more money. Why, you ask?

Well, very many things have happened this year that would need Kenyans to increase their earning capacity drastically in order to keep up.

For one, the 50 km/h speed limit – nonsensical though it may be – is back and here to stay.

The fines are piling up for unfortunate souls who are paying them left, right and centre, even if the amounts to be paid are not completely clear to the public or the police.

In an incident reported and filed at the Inspector General's office, it appears a man was charged Sh30000 for speeding, a fine which shrunk to Sh5000 when he came back with the money, demanding a receipt and refusing to bribe. And we haven't even started on Alcoblow yet.

THE SECURITY BILL

 The Security bill was passed this month as well, though unlawfully.

Consider the fact that the Senate was side-lined and overlooked and by the time we remembered, the matter was in court. Google the principle of sub judice and then get back to me. In the meantime, we still have to adhere to this law.

The ambiguity of several of the clauses in this Act has created a sumptuous recipe for loopholes that could see a clamour arise for the Constitution of Kenya 2010, the blood shed for democracy, and the 20 year sojourn for a better Kenya turned into a pile of wasted efforts.

Among other tragic comedies, we are yet to be regaled by cutting ID cards in two and holding people in remand for longer than necessary, hoping that this will result in a safer Kenya.

Hopefully, the joke will not be on you.

TENANT LAWS

More icing on this tasteless cake is the rent, which is going to be increased. Why? Because KRA hasn't organised itself well enough to find landlords.

If you watch Who Owns Kenya, most of the land belongs to a select few anyway. Why don't they just track those guys down? Why don't they stroll into State House and ask the President for the contacts of whoever manages the First Family's businesses, seeing that they are Kenya's landlords-in-chief?

That way, the taxes for a good part of the country would be sorted. Then they can come for the small fish down the real estate river.

Apparently, tenants will have to make a separate payment to the Kenya Revenue Authority (KRA) in addition to the rent for their landlords, because landlords have seemingly gone into hiding.

This is why your rent is increasing, because there is no way your landlord is going to take less in 2015 than he has been in 2014.

One thing which disturbs me is the tenants of informal settlements who barely have bank accounts and who live from hand to mouth.  Did this resolution consider them at all?

JUST BLEACH YOURSELF

Alternately, you could bleach yourself, take a few handy growth hormones and become an online overnight celebrity. A big bottom, or managing one, could save you the tragedies that are sure to plague you next year.

After all, who cares about a measly Sh30000 if your weave is six times that meagre price?

Look, we ended 2014 with a bad note, with rampant street stripping perversions, an inappropriately violent National Assembly, and some impossibly brutish security laws, among other downers.

This does not augur well for 2015, but you know what? We are the masters of our own ships. Do right by you and have a prosperous 2015, for your own sake.

Twitter: @AbigailArunga