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Sunday, January 5, 2014

A violent year away, humdrum at home

Two ladies take a selfie. Barack Obama, Pope Francis, David Cameron, Hillary Clinton and Meryl Streep have done it. PHOTO/FILE

Two ladies take a selfie. Barack Obama, Pope Francis, David Cameron, Hillary Clinton and Meryl Streep have done it. PHOTO/FILE 
By Gerry Loughran
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It’s a game all the newspapers play about this time: the year has been and gone, so what were the world’s most important moments of 2013?

Britons have a reputation for being inward-looking, thus it was no surprise to see many mentions of the death of ex-Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, the birth of a royal baby, Prince George, and Andy Murray’s Wimbledon singles tennis win, the first by a British man for 77 years.

There was also the retirement of the perpetually angry Sir Alex Ferguson as manager of Manchester United football club, the gruesome murder of a British soldier by British Islamic extremists in a London street, and the sensational court case in which celebrity chef Nigella Lawson’s drug use was disclosed.

But, by any standards, last year was dominated by events overseas and the Kenya shopping mall attack in September came high on most lists, though not as high as the death, aged 95, of Africa’s saintly hero, Nelson Mandela.

We also remembered the shock resignation of austere Pope Benedict and the election as 266th pontiff of the smiling Jorge Maria Bergoglio from Argentina. The Buenos Aires cardinal took the name Francis and made an instant impact by kneeling and washing the feet of Muslims, women and young criminals at an Easter ceremony in Rome.

As all editors know, bad news beats good news any time. So most readers recalled mayhem in the Middle East, including the horrors of civil war in Syria, and in Egypt the removal of President Morsy in an army coup, with the subsequent and continuing violence. And towards the end of the year, horror in Africa, including the reported beheading of two children in the Central African Republic and mass killings in South Sudan.

Violence elsewhere: Man-made in America, when two bombs exploded during the Boston marathon, killing three people and injuring 264, and natural in the Philippines when typhoon Haiyan devastated the country, taking the lives of 5,260.

Thankfully, it was a more humdrum year for most of us. No complaints, myself. Lost a few kilos by counting the calories, won modest cash prizes plus a bottle of champagne for a couple of my short stories and started to write my life history -- at the family’s request, I must add. Also got back to Kenya for a short visit with old friends. So, here I am, a year older and a bit leaner. Any wiser?
Well, I did learn two new words during 2013: Twerking, which everybody got excited about for a while -- it is dancing in a sexually provocative manner; and selfie -- a mobile phone photograph taken by yourself of yourself and perhaps one other person, usually a celebrity.
Since the only photos l manage to take on my mobile are accidental pictures of my feet, I do not anticipate making a selfie any time soon, with or without a celeb.
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A Win/Gallup poll asked people around the world which country they would like to live in if there were no restrictions. Top choice (9 per cent) was the United States, with seven per cent each for the desired runners-up, Canada and Australia.
But when asked which country they believed to be the greatest threat to peace, the largest number, 24 per cent, named the United States. Pakistan came next on eight per cent, United Kingdom was bottom on one per cent and there was no mention of Kenya.
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Investigators in London studied 2,000 emergencies in a bid to highlight the importance of safety measures against fire. In some cases, no possible precautions could have prevented disaster.
— A housewife dropped a toilet roll down the loo, then put it in a microwave to dry and forgot about it. Until the flames reminded her.
— A dog leapt onto a kitchen worktop to reach food. In doing so, he hit the controls of a toaster, setting fire to a bag.

— A pigeon dropped a lighted cigarette-end down a chimney, starting a blaze in a bird’s nest.
— A teenage boy on his first date sprayed himself with deodorant, then managed to set light to what remained in the can, creating his personal flame-thrower.
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The minister was surprised when he found only one person in the congregation, an elderly farmer. Was it worth proceeding, he asked?
Said the farmer, “When I take the bucket of food to my hens and only one turns up, I don’t send it away hungry.”

Moved by this simple analogy, the minister conducted a full service with a long and forceful sermon. He looked at his one-man congregation for approval.
Said the farmer, “When I take the bucket to the hens and only one turns up, I don’t give it the whole bucket.”

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