Why seeking social acceptance can lead you to alcohol abuse

Depression, work-related stress, poor time and financial management and genetics are some of the many reasons people abuse alcohol. Photo/File 

By Dr Frank Njenga

In Summary

• Depression, work-related stress, poor time and financial management and genetics are some of the many reasons people abuse alcohol.
• Trying to seek social acceptance and fitting in, however, can equally bring about the same.

My wife has just dumped me. I don’t know whether to blame my drinking buddies or myself. She had warned that she would one day walk away from me but I thought it was not too serious. Today, I found most of the households item gone plus my daughter. Is counselling too late at this hour or has she made up her mind? Please advise.

-----------------------------------------------

Alcohol abuse is a common cause of social problems.

You have found yourself in one of those situations that we see frequently and about which we are required to offer an opinion, not only to try and save a marriage, but save careers.

Just to set the record straight, it is unlikely that your drinking buddies are to blame. You must accept the consequences of your choices and live with them. Projecting them to innocent and perhaps equally suffering buddies will simply not do.

You tell us that your wife had warned but you clearly did not, or could not listen to her and now she has made good on her promise. It is possible that she still wants your marriage to work, and so it might be in your mutual interest to seek profession help.

As you do that, it might be helpful to consider the reasons that led other people to abuse alcohol, so that you will be armed with some information on the possibilities.

Depression, work-related stress, poor time and financial management and genetics are some of the many reasons people abuse alcohol.

In blaming it to your drinking buddies, I wonder if perhaps you might be a person with low self-esteem, and who probably drinks in search of social acceptance.


A number of young men we have seen in the last few years would fall in this category.

Having found a low managerial position, and soon after buying the first car, they now seek a position in the society of the newly rich, and spend long hours in expensive pubs, trying to buy their way into society.

In the recent past, they are to be found in various suburbs, members clubs and sports bars, talking loudly about things they know little about, including golf, rugby and the premier league.

Listening to them carefully, one can tell that their “knowledge” of the subject at hand is straight from Google, as it is almost always the very latest, and very factual, obtained for the purpose of impressing.

These same young men stay late on Wednesday night and hardly go home on Fridays and Saturdays! They try to outdo each other on the number of girlfriends they can cheat with, the model of car, number of overseas trips, and the amounts of whisky they can drink in a night.

A few years ago, a 37- year- old banker was admitted to hospital following a serious accident on a Friday night.

He had serious injuries to his face and chest, and on admission was clearly drunk.